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Home
Contact Us
Blog
About Us
Romance and Love
Literature and language
History
Philosophy and Psychology
Entertainment
Politics
Money and Finance
Carllrac Presents
CARLLRAC's Closet
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  • Home
  • Contact Us
  • Blog
  • About Us
  • Romance and Love
  • Literature and language
  • History
  • Philosophy and Psychology
  • Entertainment
  • Politics
  • Money and Finance
  • Carllrac Presents
  • CARLLRAC's Closet
  • Home
  • Contact Us
  • Blog
  • About Us
  • Romance and Love
  • Literature and language
  • History
  • Philosophy and Psychology
  • Entertainment
  • Politics
  • Money and Finance
  • Carllrac Presents
  • CARLLRAC's Closet

Romance and Love

The Snuffleupagus Mandela Effect

The Snuffleupagus Mandela Effect

The Snuffleupagus Mandela Effect

A guide to being in a fake relationship with an imaginary person 

Carllrac's Advice

The Snuffleupagus Mandela Effect

The Snuffleupagus Mandela Effect

Relationship Advice

Carpool Gawker

The Snuffleupagus Mandela Effect

Couples Therapy

How to Check Out Hotties From Your Vehicle

Couples Therapy

Artificial Happiness

Couples Therapy

The Benefits of Strong Relationships

Algorithm of Love

Artificial Happiness

Artificial Happiness

How to Find the Right Mate

Artificial Happiness

Artificial Happiness

Artificial Happiness

How to Build a Sentient Robot Mate

Retail Hookup

The Deposition of Carllrac

Behind the Glam

Approaching someone for a date at a retail store

Behind the Glam

The Deposition of Carllrac

Behind the Glam

How to Date a Supermodel

The Deposition of Carllrac

The Deposition of Carllrac

The Deposition of Carllrac

"The Babushka Lady Ruined My Marriage."

Base Camp Booty Calls

Base Camp Booty Calls

The Deposition of Carllrac

How to Make Love While Camping in a Tent

Saddle Up For Love

Base Camp Booty Calls

Saddle Up For Love

A Guide For Attracting Hot Cowgirls

A Culture Shock

Base Camp Booty Calls

Saddle Up For Love

Amsterdam's Red-Light District

The Sun Shone Like Staring Voyeurs

The Sun Shone Like Staring Voyeurs

The Sun Shone Like Staring Voyeurs

A Seemingly Erotic Short Story

Cope With Loneliness

The Sun Shone Like Staring Voyeurs

The Sun Shone Like Staring Voyeurs

Pretend To Be Part of a Television Family

Paying It Forward

The Sun Shone Like Staring Voyeurs

How To Hug Strangers

4 Things I want To Tell My Children

How To Hug Strangers

How To Hug Strangers

How To Hug Strangers

Tips and tricks for the tactile embrace of people you barely know

Steven Weds Shawna

How To Hug Strangers

Steven Weds Shawna

The best man's speech an exploration in nuptial roasts

Absentee Parenting

How To Hug Strangers

Steven Weds Shawna

Absentee Parenting With:  Always There For Your Kids Results

Surrounded By Loved Ones

How To Choose The Right Emoji For Every Occassion

Surrounded By Loved Ones

But still Lonely in Middle Age

Ghosting and Love

How To Choose The Right Emoji For Every Occassion

Surrounded By Loved Ones

A Modern Dating Masterpiece

How To Choose The Right Emoji For Every Occassion

How To Choose The Right Emoji For Every Occassion

How To Choose The Right Emoji For Every Occassion

From Valentines Day to Family Court

Hardcore Self-Development

"I don't Care, You decide"

How To Choose The Right Emoji For Every Occassion

Life Lessons From Erotic Movies

Peeks and Valleys

"I don't Care, You decide"

"I don't Care, You decide"

Men and the Cleavage Quandary

"I don't Care, You decide"

"I don't Care, You decide"

"I don't Care, You decide"

Is Ruining Your Relationships

CARLLRAC's Dating Tips

CARLLRAC's Dating Tips

For Billionaires

Let Me Show You

CARLLRAC's Dating Tips

How To Stop Being A Control Freak

Crush Test

Crush Test

Laughing at a Bad Joke

Whispers Of Love

Cupid's Poetic Guide to Crafting Enchanted Love Letters

In realms where hearts entwine their fate,

A tale of love, both deep and great,

I, Cupid, wield my bow and quill,

To guide your hand, an artful thrill


Take parchment pure as love's embrace,

Ink dipped in dreams, the heart's own grace,

Let tender thoughts in verses flow,

A symphony of emotions to bestow.


Begin with words that softly sing,

A greeting like a seraph's wing,

Adress the love with sweetest name,

A prelude to passion's tender flame.


Paint scenes of shared moments past,

Of stolen glances, love's die cast,

With tender prose and phrases kind,

Forge memories that forever bind.


In words, let vulnerability bloom,

Confess desires that lovers consume,

Fear not to bare your inner core,

For vulnerability opens love's door.


Like stars that sprinkle night's embrace, 

Use descriptive charm to paint their grace,

Compare their smile to dawn's frist light,

Their laughter to a song so bright.


Express gratitude, let feelings soar,

For love's sweetest gifts they freely pour,

Acknowledge tehir presence, divine and rare,

In every line, show them you care.


Dream of futures, yet be unfurled,

A journey together in a magical world,

Envision adventures, hand in hand,

A love's eternal flame ignites the sand.


End with a whisper, a fond adieu,

A promise of love forever true,

Sign with a flourish, your hearts own seal,

A love letter's embrace, both tender and real.


So heed my guidance, my arrow's call,

With love's own ink, let your heart enthrall,

Write a letter that speaks of love's sweet art,

For in every word, you capture a heart.


- Cupid Ross

(The short naked man at the Archery Club)



Artificial Happiness: How To Build A Sentient Robot Mate


Algorithm Of Love: How To Find The Right Mate


Relationship Advice By Carllrac


How To Pretend To Be In A Relationship


Back To: 


Carllrac Presents

Carllrac Presents Page 2

Carllrac Presents Page 3

Carllrac Blog


***The contents of this website is satirical, meant to be entertainment and should not be taken as serious advise.***   

"Dear Flo" - You smelled like vinegar. The scent of love.

Dear Flo,


You were my waitress at the East Tupelo truck stop, on the east side of the Little Richard hair wax museum.  You told me you were the only full time waitress, at the Dina diner on 12th street, and the other ladies you worked with were, "less reliable than a vibrator running off Chinese batteries on a cold night".   So I'm not sure you will remember me as you must talk to hundreds of people a day.  

I was the guy wearing the Megadeath-“Europe 1997--Tour” Shirt, which you said that you liked.  Then I told you about how I really hated Megadeath, and you laughed…Then I laughed as well. 

 

I just wanted to tell you about what a great time I had being served by you, last Tuesday evening at 6:45pm.  I understand you were serving, four other tables in that busy and rundown truck stop, amongst the many others you met that day, but we undoubtably had a connection.  I felt it before you gave me the flavourless dinner mint along with the bill.  I would like to know where your restaurant gets those round mints that look like Mentos, but aren’t.  In fact, I believe I felt that connection well before you gave me the dinner mint along with the bill.  I believe I actually felt it when you first came to my table with your coil notepad in hand, uniform stained with an undetermined biological substance.  My heart may have as well melted, when you greeted me with, hello, as the gum you were chewing fell out of your mouth onto the middle of the porcelain salt and pepper shaker.

You left it there thinking I wouldn’t notice…But, I did.

There are no words to describe your gracefulness, other than…Graceful.


If Angels could talk instead of just singing all the time, I know those Angels would have nothing but amazing things to tell their boss of you, by leaving their comments in the wooden customer feedback box, just outside the restrooms.  


As our souls connected, you asked me what I wanted to drink, and I foolishly said Coke.  You giggled and asked me if I was "unliterated", because the menu said you only served Pepsi.  


Love cannot be described by someone who  is shot by, Cupids arrow.  We can only file a police report after that arrow pierces us, because a short half-naked manchild going around shooting people with magic arrows laced with south asian aphrodisiacs is hard to describe.


Flo.  My life will never be the same after our encounter.  Everything about you was picturesque, much like fine imported glass or marble from…wherever the hell you may have been born.  Detroit or something.  Ultimately creating a work of art that would be revered by millions, studied by thousands and only had by a few.


I write this letter, not to flatter you Flo, nor to ask anything of you.  You have given me all I could ever want as a man, excluding a “Go around on the old merry go round,”  or in this case, “Flo go round.”  

This letter is being written as a free flow  of emotion.  Raw.  Pure.  Emotion.  I only have one question for you Flo, and this is where I will end.  Until I hear your response.


When we first met.  Did you see your future?  


Signed:  The 15% tipper with the mutton chops.



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Artificial Happiness: How To Build A Sentient Robot Mate


Algorithm Of Love: How To Find The Right Mate


Relationship Advice By Carllrac


How To Pretend To Be In A Relationship


Back To: 

Carllrac Presents


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***The contents of this website is satirical, meant to be entertainment and should not be taken as serious advise.***   

Crafting Words of Affection

How to Write a Love Letter

Love letters are timeless expressions of our affection that transcends even the digital age.  In an era of quick texts, emojis and emails, the art of composing a handwritten or thoughtfully typed loved letter becomes a cherished gesture that conveys emotions in a deeply personal and meaningful way.  It might seem like an intimidating task to take on, but you don't have to be a poet, or a master of seduction to create a heartwarming love letter that captures your feelings and leaves a lasting impact on your beloved.


Carllrac presents...  Crafting Words of Affection: How to Write a Love Letter


Reflect on Your Feelings

Before penning down your emotions, take some time to reflect on what you truly feel for the person.  Go for a walk, or spend time at a special place that brings up familiar sentiments of your muse to inspire you. Consider their qualities that make your heart skip a beat and the moments you've shared that are etched in your memory. 


Choose Your Format

Decide whether you'll write a handwritten letter or type it out.  Handwritten letters add a touch of authenticity and intimacy, while typed letters will allow for easy editing and formatting.  No more scribbled out paragraphs or crumpled up balls of paper lying around with fregments of your deepest emotions available for all to see.


Set the Tone

Determine the tone of your letter.  Will it be playful and light-hearted, deeply romantic, or a mix of emotions?  The tone sets the stage for the entire letter, and may even become the baseline for your relationship moving forward.  If this letter has the desired impact, the soul of that letter will blend with the spirit of your character in your darlings eyes.


Start with a Warm Greeting

Begin your letter with a heartfelt salutation so they know they're reading something special just for them, and address the person by their name or a special nickname that holds significance in your relationship.  This will allow for a stonger connection and a deeper bond through this message of affection.


Express Your Feelings

This letter is your best chance to pour your heart onto the page, so go all in with it and don't hold back.  Use specific examples to illusrate your emotions for this person, and instead of just saying "I love you", describe the reasons why you love them and how they've impacted your life.


Share Memories

Try to recall fond memories you've shared together.  Use the letter to reminisce about those moments that have brought you closer and made your bond stronger.  These recollections may not be as powerful to your reader as they are to you, so try to make it dramatic it and more vivid so your love starts to remember them as clear and meaningful as you've described.


Be Honest and Vulnerable

Don't be afraid to show your vulnerability to this person.  Express your fears, hopes, and dreams to them in this letter, because that is basically the epitome of love.  Opening up about your own vulnerabilities can encourage a deeper connection, and an unvarnished basis for you love moving forward.


Use Descriptive Language

Paint a vivid picture with your words.  Use descriptive language to convey the depth of your feelings.  Compare their smile to the sun, their laughter to a melody, and tehir presence to a comforting embrace.


Express Gratitude

Acknowledge teh positive impact they've had on your life.  Express gratitude for their support, companionship, and love.


Look to the Future

Share your aspirations for the future.  Let them know how you envision your journey together, whether it's embarking on new adventures or simply growing old together.


End with Affection

Conclude your letter with a warm closing that reflects your feelings.  Use phrases like "Yours forever," "With all my love," or a simple "Love."


Proofread and Personalize

Review your letter for any errors and ensure it reflects your genuine feelings.  Make it personal by including inside jokes, references, or shared experiences that only the two of you would understand.


Writing a love letter is an art that allows you to express the most profound emotions in a tangible and heartfelt way.  While modern communication has evolved, the power of a well crafted love letter remains unmatched.  By keeping it simple and digging deep within your soul, you can create a timeless keepsake that not only captures your feelings but also becomes a cherished memory for your beloved.  So, pick up that pen or sit at the keyboard, and let your heart do the talking.



Artificial Happiness: How To Build A Sentient Robot Mate


Algorithm Of Love: How To Find The Right Mate


Relationship Advice By Carllrac


How To Pretend To Be In A Relationship


Back To: 

Carllrac Presents


Carllrac Presents Page 2


Carllrac Presents Page 3


Carllrac Blog


***The contents of this website is satirical, meant to be entertainment and should not be taken as serious advise.***   

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