Carllrac Presents

How to Be an Absentee Parent and Still Raise Happy Kids

Mastering the Art of Absentee Parenting: A Guide to Stress-Free Parenting

Parenting, they say, is an art form. But who needs art when you can master the fine skill of absentee parenting? Say goodbye to family stress and embrace the chaos with these genius tips.

Frequent Naptimes - The Siesta Strategy:

Make your kids take naps during YOUR prime hours. Studies show that sleep is crucial for physical and mental development. And what better way to ensure some 'me time' than having your little ones snooze away? Just add stress balls to the mix for that extra touch of relaxation. Arnold Schwarzenegger's secret to success? Inspire sleep with Relaxium Sleep and conquer sleep apnea like an action hero.

Here's a simple recipe for a warm milk sleep time drink for children:

“Slumber Sleep Surprise”

Ingredients:

1 cup of milk (whole milk or a milk alternative like almond milk or oat milk)
1-2 teaspoons of honey or maple syrup (adjust to taste)
1/2 teaspoon of vanilla extract
A pinch of ground cinnamon (optional)

Instructions:

1. In a small saucepan, heat the milk over medium heat. Be careful not to bring it to a boil; you want it warm, not scalding.
2. Once the milk is warm, add the honey or maple syrup and stir until it dissolves. Adjust the sweetness to your child's preference.
3. Add the vanilla extract and continue stirring. Vanilla adds a pleasant flavor and can be soothing.
4. If you'd like, sprinkle a pinch of ground cinnamon into the milk. Cinnamon not only adds a subtle spice but is also associated with relaxation.
5. Continue heating the milk until it's warm throughout. Pour it into a mug or a heat-safe cup.
6. Allow the drink to cool slightly before offering it to your child. Test the temperature to make sure it's comfortable for them.
7. You can serve this warm milk sleep time drink about 30 minutes before bedtime. Encourage your child to enjoy it in a calm environment as part of their bedtime routine.

*Remember to consider any dietary restrictions or allergies your child may have, and adjust the recipe accordingly. It's always a good idea to consult with a pediatrician if you have any concerns about introducing new foods or drinks into your child's routine.

Make them believe you are busy putting food on the table.

Stay away when they are really young to train them in believing that not having their parent around is a normal thing.

Managing expectations is the key to ensuring your children understand that as an adult, you need your space. They will thank you later on in life when it is time for them to adjust moving away from home, or coming to terms with your death. Hopefully, a long time in the future.

The Sanctuary of Peace and Quiet - Where Silence Speaks Volumes:

Curate a Sanctuary of peace and quiet for your children's physical and mental development. Because, let's face it, nothing screams 'autonomous mental development' like tranquility. As our expert curator says, 'It's what gives peace and quiet meaning.'

Creating a quiet sanctuary for kids involves designing a space that promotes relaxation, comfort, and a sense of security. Here are some ideas to help you create a peaceful haven for your children:

Choose Calming Colors:

Opt for soft and soothing colors for the walls, bedding, and decor. Pastel shades, light blues, or gentle greens can create a serene atmosphere.

Soft and Cozy Bedding:

Invest in comfortable and cozy bedding with soft blankets and cushions. Ensure that the bed or sleeping area is inviting and conducive to relaxation.

Reading Nook:

Create a designated reading corner with a comfortable chair, bean bag, or floor cushions. Include a small bookshelf stocked with age-appropriate books to encourage quiet reading time.

Gentle Lighting:

Use soft, warm lighting to create a calming ambiance. Consider nightlights, fairy lights, or table lamps to provide a soft glow during the evening.

Calm Decor Elements:

Decorate with calm and comforting elements such as wall decals of nature scenes, stars, or soothing artwork. Choose decor items that resonate with your child's interests and contribute to a peaceful environment.

Soft Rugs and Play Mats:

Place soft rugs or play mats on the floor to provide a comfortable space for play or quiet activities. This can also help absorb noise and create a cozy atmosphere.

Quiet Activities:

Set up an area for quiet activities like drawing, coloring, or puzzles. Keep art supplies organized and accessible, encouraging creativity in a peaceful setting.

Soft Toys and Stuffed Animals:

Incorporate soft toys and stuffed animals into the decor. These can provide comfort and companionship, especially during bedtime.

Personalized Space:

Allow your child to personalize their sanctuary with items that hold sentimental value, such as favorite toys, artwork, or crafts they've made.

Soft Curtains or Blackout Shades:

Ensure the room has soft curtains or blackout shades to control natural light and create a cozy environment, especially during nap or bedtime.

Create a Tranquil Sound Environment:

Use soft background music, nature sounds, or white noise machines to drown out external noise and create a peaceful auditory environment.

Calm Aromas:

Consider using child-friendly aromatherapy options, such as lavender-scented diffusers or pillows, to introduce calming scents into the space.

Quiet Time Routine:

Establish a quiet time routine, incorporating activities like reading or listening to gentle music before bedtime to signal the transition to a calm and restful state.

Remember to regularly assess and adapt the space based on your child's preferences and developmental stages. The goal is to create a quiet sanctuary that provides a sense of security and encourages relaxation for your little ones.

Reality Television.

Reduce exposure to family oriented television and movies where the protagonists family is spending quality time with each other.

Instead, watch prison dramas-so your children will develop a sense of appreciation for the fact that you are not in jail and, because of this, every small amount of time they do get with you is a gift. Children’s naivety diminishes over time, so as an absentee parent, you do not want to expose them to ideas that will undermine your control. The norm needs to be maintained as long as possible, because when children start to question, ultimately they will seek answers.

Busy in Spanish, Ocupado! Ocupada! - The Universal Language of Solitude:

Hold on to that touch-tone phone for those moments when friends interrupt your precious peace. Picture this: the busy signal, your indisposed state, and a universal language - 'Ocupado! Ocupada!' (masculine/feminine). Because sometimes, silence is truly golden.

Reality Television.

Reduce exposure to family oriented television and movies where the protagonists family is spending quality time with each other.

The Busy Board Odyssey - Turning Clutter into Education

Boost your toddler's tactile development with a DIY busy board sourced from the treasures under your car seat. Who knew cleaning up could be so educational? It's the art of multitasking: cleaning and educating, all in one go.

It’s all Genetics.

Need time away from your bratty kids? Grand parents are the solution.

Ensure that you do not move too far away from your parents. This will provide you the ideal babysitter. When the grandparents start giving you grief about the kids being over too much. Remind them often of their hounding you to settle down and give them grandchildren.

When We Were Young Festival - Because Age is Just a Number

Feeling the weight of age on your shoulders? Plan a Nevada trip for the When We Were Young Festival. It's not about being old; it's about reliving the glory days with fellow parents who appreciate the classics. Age is just a number, and so is your level of involvement.

Meet the Teacher Night Dramatics - A Tale of Military Service and Mysterious Baby Baskets

Spice up meet-the-teacher night with a touch of drama. Pen a fictional tale of military service, Navy SEAL training, and a baby basket on your doorstep. Confusion, embarrassment, and parental test questions are just part of the show. It's all in good fun, right?

Learn to say, "If I only could, I would."

Don’t enjoy the physical activities involved with being a parent? If you haven’t established your pattern of laziness early on in their childhood, consider embellishing, or even faking a degenerative muscle ailment. This will allow you to sloth around your sofa and bed, giving you the legitimate free pass with regards to not having to play with your kids. And when their friends come over and ask why their Mom or Dad does not move from the couch, or do anything at all for that matter--at least they can say you have health problems. Consider even buying a walking cane and oxygen tank as props.

In this journey of high expectations, occasional foreign accent syndromes, and the pursuit of peace and quiet, remember: 'Busy' isn't just a word; it's a lifestyle. Embrace it, Ocupado-style, and let the art of absentee parenting be your masterpiece!"

Growing On Up

Rising Above a Challenging Upbringing

Let's talk about the remarkable journey one has to take to rise above a challenging upbringing. The kind that could make even the most resilient cower and blame others long after they've grown up. More specifically, blame absentee parents, those who go AWOL in their child's formative years, leaving them to navigate the rough waters of life alone. It's an unfortunate reality that many face, but let's not paint these circumstances as an isurmountable obstacle.

Sure, some might say, "Well, if you didn't have the nurturing, support, or the guidance, you're basically destined for a life of struggle." But hey, let me remind you, we're not pawns in some predetermined game of life. We're adaptable, we're resilient, and we can choose our path, even when the odds seem stacked against us. It's the superpower we have as human beings, and it's not exclusive; we all have it in us.

Take some time to look at the stories of those who've risen from the ashes of neglect and absenteeism. You'll find thousands of examples of people with some notoriety who achieved great things, and there are millions more like them who've lived a less renowned, yet meaningful life. They didn't wait around for a silver spoon to drop from the sky; they grabbed life by the horns and said, "You won't define me!" These are the folks who didn't let the absence of parents be an excuse, but rather a motivator to prove themselves.

It's in the moments of solitude that true character is forged. When you're standing at the crossroads and there's no one to hold your hand, that's when you learn to make tough decisions, to rely on yourself, and trust your instincts. So, put aside the self-pity and the blame. It won't help you solve your problems. Use the lack of parental gudance to become the breeding ground for self-discovery and innovation.

And let's talk about empathy. Those who've weathered neglect know the importance of compassion better than anyone. They understand what it's like to be overlooked, to yearn for someone to just care. This insight drives them to become attentive partners, caring friends, and inspiring leaders who value and uplift others. Being a positive influence in the lives of others will help you fill the void from that feeling of neglect you may have.

So, don't tell me it's impossible to rise above an absentee upbringing. We're not defined by the circumstances we're born into; we're defined by the choices we make and the perseverence we show. It's not about what you didn't have; it's about what you choose to do with what you do have.

Remember, the road might be tougher, but that only makes victory sweeter. So, to all those who've overcome absentee parents, here's to you! Your journey might have started in the shadows, but you're walking towards the light, and that light is the embodiment of your triumph.

Parental Styles

Silver Spoon and Grey Hairs

Ah, parenting styles. It's the buffet of options where nature gives us a real life human being to raise, and we get to choose how to mold our offspring into functional, semi-responsible human beings... Hopefully. Choose correctly and you can rest easily after a couple decades of instilling the right principles into your DNA sharing minions. Choosing wrong and perhaps the fate of humanity is doomed, and you may find yourself as an unpaid consultant for a true crime documdrama. All these hundreds of thousands of years, one would think the art of parenting would have been perfected by now. But, we are in a new frontier of raising children, it's like we're at the cosmic cafeteria, and the menu is just as confusing as that IKEA furniture assembly manual. We see the bubble characters on the page doing it right, but we don't understand what's actually happening. So, let's dive into this delightful freakshow of parenting styles, shall we?

First up, authoritative parenting. You know, where we set boundaries like a boss, while also pretending to be approachable like a cool aunt at a family reunion. It's a fine line between "because I said so" and "let's have a rational conversation about bedtime." Just remember to be firm, but not CIA - Interrogator intense. Bubble baths should be fun and not have to turn into a water boarding session, to find out where your kids last put the TV remote.

Then there's positive parenting... The one where we cheerlead our kids through life like we are their own personal hype squad. Sure, it's great to be their biggest fan, but I'm not entirely sure using pom poms help them to eat their veggies. At some point your kid needs to know that it's a basic expectation of nature for them to eat their ruffage. And, don't expect people to have a parade for waiting for them after they make "boom - boom in the potty", when they are teenagers.

Attachment parenting? A lot like that clingy cat that follows you around because you have a tuna melt in you backpack. Sure, you're creating a bond, but is it really necessary to carry your child around in a sling like it's a designer handbag? Leave that mode of transport for the chihuahua. Not only will you make them ungealthily dependent on you as they get older, but when it's time for you to move on to the next phase of your own life, you may find yourself at the country club, cutting up other peoples steaks into chewable bite sizes because of your own separation issues.

Permissive parenting is all about letting kids run wild like they're starring in their own little, Lord of the Flies remake. Yeah, let them do whatever they want, and maybe in 10 years they'll be running for government office with a platform of "Do whatever you want" and "Candy for all." No, there won't be any British Naval officers saving little Ralph from that burning island.

And then, uninvolved parenting. The name by itself seems like it could be a win-win. But the reality is, it's like setting your kids GPS for "lost" and just letting hitch a ride through life from a weirdo driving a cargo van with a slush machine in it. Not a good idea. Look, I'm all for teaching independence, but you have to at least point them in the right direction, and maybe check in on them from time to time, to make sure they're still on the right path.

But hey, fellow parents, let's not take this cornucopia of parenting styles too seriously. Our kids are like that experimental dish at a fancy restaurant. We're never quite sure how they'll turn out but we're still on the hook for paying the bill. So, try to enjoy it. Tell them what you want or don't want on your dish. Savour the meal, and give your feedback when it's done.

In the end, let's just aim for a parenting style that raises responsible, kind, and capable humans. And if all else fails, remember that laughter is the universal parenting style that keeps us sane through all the ups and downs.