For many, that family support structure is ingrained culturally and there are expectations of us from parents, friends and loved ones to find another person to be with. Those loved ones just want us to be happy, knowing we will have some support and be taken care of when they are gone.
The idea of being attached to another is not appealing for a lot of people, or not an option for them. This can lead to the embarrassment of not being able to find a special someone, and that external pressure might drive us to want to avoid the questions about our relationship status.
At times it may just be easier to make it look as though you are in a relationship and just move on from the conversation. For these people, here are some ways to pretend you have a significant other, without other people actually meeting them.
- Continuously mention how crappy the shift at your partner's work is. You are spending so little time with each other due to the different schedules you both have, and the strain it is causing on your relationship. This allows for an explanation as to why no one ever sees you and your fake partner together at the same time.
- Hang underwear of your “significant other” in a frequently used guest washroom, and embarrassingly remove it from the site, after many others have seen it. The damper it still is, the better. No one would suspect another person would be so desperate to pretend to have a relationship, that they would purchase, carry and hang underwear of the opposite sex, if they didn’t have to.
- Take selfies with the sales associate at Hollister, posting it on your social media, with the caption, “shopping together this weekend.” Typically the lighting in this fashion retail store is dimly lit. The workers are typically attractive and young people. Plus, no one cares to pay enough attention to the customer service representative in an apparel store.
- Tell people you have a delusional partner. This way if people ever find out you have no one - you can explain, the “delusional” was you. What you meant was, because you are delusional, you have one. This will allow you to garner sympathy. Once for being in a relationship with a crazy person you are loyal enough to stay with through trying times. Secondly, the sympathy you will get from people after they find out you have lost touch with reality by making up the fact that you were in a relationship with a crazy person.
- Send gifts to yourself at work, from your “significant other”, with a note that says – “I am so lucky to have someone like you, despite this inability to leave my sterile environment, due to my rare medical condition.
- Keep an escort on retainer to appear with you to go to family functions and “life” events.
- End phone calls or online attractions with your friends prematurely, blaming “the old ball and chain” for you having to end the conversation.
- You see a friend at the mall and ask about the significant other. Tell them they are in the bathroom. If they decide to wait and meet them, let them know it may be a while because both of you had the black bean taco bowl…then you excuse yourself as well.
- Tell your friends and family that he/she is a sponsored immigrant and that there have been major delays in the immigration process.
- Keep products in your vehicle or items that may hint that it was left by your partner as they are regularly a passenger in your vehicles. Such as a second pair of sunglasses clipped to the passenger side sunshade. A second usb charger in the vehicle, or a snack food that people know you dislike, stored in the glove compartment.
- Talk about the “romantic plans” you make but your significant other is not appreciative of. Your friends and loved ones may encourage you to break it off, getting you off the hook of being in a relationship. When they question why you are not in the relationship afterwards, remind them how it was their idea to break it off. Tell them you had a good thing going, but you took their advice and ruined it.
You might like:
Carllrac Presents
Carllrac Blog
Algorithm of Love: How to find the right mate
Relationship Advice by Carllrac
Pretend to be part of a television family, to cope with loneliness
Artificial Happiness: How to build a sentient robot mate
Retail Hookup: Approaching someone for a date at a retail store
Saddle Up For Love: A Guide For Attracting Hot Cowgirls
"I Don't Care, You Decide" Is Ruining Your Relationship
***The contents of this website is satirical, meant to be entertainment. Contact a professional for any advise.***