Carllrac Presents

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1) Hold team meetings on the toilet, like Lyndon Johnson, and ask someone to lead off the meeting with a value moment for the day, as you evacuate last night's dinner; a recipe you you found in the back of a free community newspaper.    Do your dishes in the bath.  To remove hardened food,  allow them to soak with you in Epson salts, then apply the granualized paraben free, low lather shampoo as your cleaner.  Be careful not to sit on forks, knives or any other sharp utensils that you may not see in the tub.  Rinse as necessary and dry on the heater vent or radiant heater.  

2) Do squats while scrubbing the tub.  5 reps of 10. Squat->Tub->Scrub, all while you listen to an hour and a half long playlist of covers and fan remix tributes to Rick Astley’s only two hit songs. For added resistance to your workout, put on a soaking wet bathrobe or duct tape a domesticated animal to your back.  

3) Grind.  Stuff, and Tie sausage links using dental floss to the tube ends.  Invite some of your closest or easily impressionable friends to the house for a sausage linking party.  Don’t forget the champagne and cocaine.

4) Use the steamed up mirror to write out and complete a physics equation, like the equation of…macaroni.  Or, use a dry erase marker on the vanity mirror to write out - newton's law of gravity, before dropping your pants on instagram.  You will increase your social media followers by attracting science geeks and will eventually be able to market and sell pocket protectors as a side business.  

5) Spend your free time on the toilet completing your romance novel about baltic vampires, with the running theme that the “essence of love will never die.”  Use packaging instructions from items you have lying around the bathroom as inspiration for story ideas, like the time “Travis, the 400 year old, middle aged Vampire, fell in love with the young barista lady, at the overnight coffee shop.  Started using ‘Grey reducing beard wash to gradually reduce his grey.  However, he did not perform a 48 hour skin allergy test, before first use’, and shocked the young lady by his appearance when he saw her next.  She then fell in love with Rob, the badass werewolf dude with the criminal record, no job, and can’t drive.  

6) Have an electric burner on your vanity counter and prepare breakfast while grooming yourself.  Don’t forget to wear rubber soled slippers while brushing your teeth, so you can survive to make it to the next breakfast.    

7) While taking 10 minutes to hide from your children in the bathroom, take some of the vodka you are hiding in the toilet tank to get drunk, flushing it down and damaging the septic system.  Then scroll through the Facebook pages of all your wealthy friends who look happy, leaving comments on their professionally taken family photos they paid someone to do out in the forest behind their house.  Leave comments about your random thoughts regarding Jerry Bruckheimer produced movies you were able to watch over the holidays, and if you made that movie with “all dogs, which breeds the main cast would be”.  Just to mess with your perfect friends.  

8) Reuse the pieces of toilet paper you put on your face from shaving cuts, as drywall filler to repair small holes.  For larger holes you can try tampons, and for punch holes in the wall, pads work well.  Repaint the fixed drywall with hair dye.  For a sponge look, dab a hand sized wad of foam shaving cream to desired areas and allow to dry.  To reseal joints, and corners, use toothpaste as caulking.  Cotton swabs work well for a nice even finish. 

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***The contents of this website is satirical, meant to be entertainment and should not be taken as serious advise.*** Toilet time Productivity in the washroom Time in Bathroom