Carllrac presents

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Politely look for feet.  Look for feet in stalls to ensure that it’s not occupied.  The thoughtless person is one who doesn’t discreetly look to see if a toilet is in use before trying to barge in or, jiggling the door handle and possibly putting others in a compromising position should the stall door open.  The last thing anyone needs to do is lock eyes on a stranger with their pants down to their ankles.

Notify someone if attention is needed.  Buzz for maintenance if attention is needed. A washroom that has been wrecked by someone and taken out of order is unfair to our communities at large.  Whether you are the culprit or not, a public bathroom is a place for everyone to use. We should all work together to keep them clean and functional for the next person.  Part of that is being honest and bringing forward issues within the facilities to the attention of an appropriate custodian.  If we allow our institutions, like the public washroom to crumble, it’s a reflection of the devastating state of humanity in our culture.

Flush.  No one likes to look down and see other people's waste, then have to remove it.  It’s like camping, pack out what you brought and make it look like no one was there.  

Give people space.  Give people space by using the furthest stall to the next person.  Personal space should extend a little further in a washroom as focus and attention needs to be applied to the task at hand. There is no intimacy to be had in a room like this.  No touching of toes, brushing of arms, or peripheral observations.  Also, remember to keep conversations with other patrons to a minimum.  Most washrooms are like an echo chamber allowing for very little audio privacy and discretion.  

Synchronize.  Sync your flatulence with ambient sounds like, flushes from other stalls, a running faucet, or hand dryer blower.  Even though the washroom is supposed to be a safe space for the indignities of our biology, people can still be judgmental, so letting it rip on the toilet can be embarrassing for everyone in the public washroom.  Do your best to sync and conceal the sound with environmental noises going on in the room.  

Multiple Flush.  Pre flush to check flow and mid flush to lessen stink.  As if the awkwardness of the lack of privacy was not bad enough, the lavatory is an environment that creates a cocktail of stink.  A good way to mitigate this is to complete a mid-evacuation flush.  During your first moment of pause on the toilet, complete a flush to minimize your stink and to put less stress on the toilet flow upon completion, as you do not want to be the one causing a blockage due to too many burritos and toilet paper.  It’s not the best for the environment overall, but it will avoid any blockage mishaps.  Remember to do the pre flush, by flushing before you even get on the porcelain throne.  This will allow you to see if there is proper flow to the toilet, so as to not have it back up while you are sitting. 

No graffiti.  Have respect for public bathrooms.  They are shared by others and private property.  You don’t want people to lose the privilege of having a comfortable place to find relief.  Most often bathroom graffiti can be offensive and stupid.  If we want to see illustrated genitalia, we can read, Hentai.  We also don’t want to know that, “Billy was here”, or who occupied the space before.  

Keep your stuff in your stall.  Make sure your feet, pants and possessions are within your stall, on your side of the partition. When possessions spill over into another stall, you can’t be too sure of what will happen to them.  They could be stolen, and you won’t be in a position to get it back.  You’ll be too compromised hung up by your trousers with smartphone in hand.  Or, if your property is soiled, don’t expect the other person to take any responsibility for it.  They have enough to worry about keeping their space in order, they shouldn’t have to worry about your stuff.  

Control your kids.  If you need to keep your small children in the stall with you, ensure they are not reaching or peeking at other people.  If you take small children into a washroom, ensure they know enough to leave other people alone.  The last thing anyone in a stall wants to do is have a conversation with a strange kid who peaks under the stall out of curiosity and says “hi”.  This is our private time to catch up on social media, purge our photo albums from the cloud and catch up on the news of the day.  We don’t want to be put in a position where we have to supervise a strange child, while their parents are indisposed. 

Keep your stream inside the bowl or urinal.  One would think this was self explanatory, but while urinating, a person only has one job, and that is to aim.  A casual bladder empty is just lazy, and a sign of bad character.  If you don’t have a medical condition, yet don’t have the courtesy and discipline to have a focused stream, you may not fair well in life. 

Be quiet, like a bowel evacuating ninja.  No one wants to hear your phone conversations, muttering or moaning.  A public washroom is a place where people go to exercise, contemplation, reflection and profound thought.  The washroom is where the worlds solutions are thought up.  Much like a library and it’s books, the washroom coupled with smartphones  has turned into a place of study and engrossment.   

Don’t take too long…Get in and get out.  At home, your washroom is a place of solitude, entertainment and productivity.  It’s your personal space where you can take as much time as you want, or until your leg falls asleep and goes numb from sitting on the toilet for too long.  You don’t have that luxury in a public lavatory.  Your main goal is critical care for the bowel or bladder in the context of passing waste through the body.  You can work on the particulars, when you are at home, or in a location with less traffic. 

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***The contents of this website is satirical, meant to be entertainment and should not be taken as serious advise.*** bathroom rules toilet rules bathroom etiquette