How To Prevent Your Spiritual Advisor From Asking You for Money

Spiritual advisors provide a service to seeker’s in exchange for knowledge and wisdom.  It might seem odd, insincere or even offensive to some that these teachers and guides of fundamental concern would ask for money and put a price tag on a person's sacred journey. 

The reality is, many people have little issue giving money to religious organizations, psychics or gurus in exchange for comfort, personal growth and spiritual fulfillment.  It allows these sages the opportunity to share their “gift” to those who feel in need of it.  But, people also want to believe they are being genuinely and selflessly helped with no strings attached.  In our society though, even gurus have to pay the bills.

Unlike most physical goods and services, there are no refunds or exchanges for spiritual advice.  You get what you pay for, and sometimes you realize what you got has no real value.  All you can do is leave, and remind yourself that learning is a lifelong process.  Take away what you can from that interaction and build upon what you learned going forward.  

For some people, it can be difficult to end a relationship with a spiritual advisor.  Seekers can be vulnerable, and easily taken advantage of, becoming entrenched in a spiritual community.  They may have family or a social circle within that sphere of influence making it even harder to move on, because they don’t want to hurt or embarrass their loved ones in any way.  But, if you keep on giving money to the wrong people, they will keep on asking for it. 

So, if you do have trouble walking away from a situation where you feel you may be taken advantage of, here are some tips on how to prevent your spiritual advisor from asking you for money.

• Remind them often that you joined the following because the Devil led you to enjoy gambling on prize fights, organized by Easter European crime syndicates.

• When they ask you to donate.  Tell them you can’t really spare anything at the moment, but you know some accountants in the federal government that may be interested in their cause.

• Remind them they have taught you lessons more valuable than money, and it’s your gift to donate an abundance of “goodwill.”

• Your worship clothes consist of sweatpants and a 1982 Brisbane, Commonwealth games sweater.

• When they ask you for a donation, tell them you enjoy eating mothballs.

• During private spiritual counselling, start off with a rant about your distrust in the fiat monetary system.

• To expedite your transition from, material to spiritual, leave your wallet at home.

• Ask them if medical insurance covers spiritual healing.

• Remind them that the spiritual robes they gave you,  don’t have pockets, and unfortunately you had to leave your wallet at home.

• They won’t pass you the collection box if you have a track record of stealing footwear from other people in your Guru’s place of teaching.  

• Pay your psychic in a startup cryptocurrency, and remind them that they are psychic and should be clairvoyant enough to see the value of it in the future.

• When they ask you for a donation, invite them over to your house for dinner and a pleasant evening of pinochle, where you can discuss an embarrassing reproductive issue, which you suspect may be caused by a chakra blockage.

• Tell them that your spouse thinks your ass is, legal tender.

• When they ask you for a donation…In a creepy way, tell them you would be glad to give them some money because they are your best friend.  Then, place your hand on their heart and stare into their eyes for a few minutes.  This act of craziness should creep them out enough to leave you alone.

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***The contents of this website is satirical, meant to be entertainment and should not be taken as serious advise.***